cultural understanding by way of the latrine

 
Anthropologists have studied the ceremonies, rituals and customs of civilizations for centuries in an attempt to understand, document and unravel the mystery as to what makes them tick. Quite frankly, I think they’ve been barking up the wrong tree. One needs to look no further than the toilet - the virtual crystal ‘bowl’ that offers more insight and enlightenment than any wedding custom or cremation ceremony ever could. I truly believe that no other single aspect paints a more accurate reflection of the society in which you find it, than the toilet and its accompanying practices.


Take for example modern western society. Does the bathroom, in its full automation, flush toilets, Jacuzzi bath and shower massage not mirror the hectic, modern life of the average North American? Being fully decorated, and adorned with plants, aromatherapy candles, mood lighting, select reading material, foam bath and essential oils in an attempt to create a virtual oasis, it’s perhaps the only room in the house one can get a little peace and quiet. Calgon – take me away!

And how about the French? They have often been given a bad rap for being, pardon the pun, hoity-toity. You may not think your sh*t stinks either (to borrow a popular expression), if part of your daily rituals were jet cleaning your derrière with a bidet.

The Chinese have a completely different mindset toward society and their place in it – a mindset which can be linked to their toilet practices. A long history of communism has instilled within the general population a notion of working toward the greater good, as opposed to selfless gain at the expense of their fellow countrymen. There is strength in numbers and together, great things can be accomplished. Individualism is not something that is encouraged. It kind of reminds be of the “Borg” in Star Trek the next Generation and their perpetual loyalty to the ‘Collective’. Collective, being the operative word as ‘trough’ toilets are exactly as they sound. A long trough along the wall at which people line up, side by side and do their business and it’s then all hosed down a drain. Whereas in western countries, where using the toilet and your waste is considered to be a private affair, in China, it’s treated for what it is - waste. When approximately one in every 5 people on the planet is Chinese, the amount of waste produced by this population has to be dealt with in an efficient, detached manner without the strange preoccupation that western society seems to have with it. One only has to look at the sheer number of English euphemisms for the toilet and the things we do in it, to attest to that.

Indonesia has yet a different perspective on the toilet and its place in society as well. The toilet or kamar kecil is a place of business. It’s pretty much a do-what-you’ve-got-to-do-and-get-out affair.

Because of the nature of Indonesian bathrooms with their lack of sink, tub and any distinction between a wet/dry area, toilet seats in Indonesian bathrooms (if there is one) are always wet. It’s another one of those things that reminds you that the faster you get in and get it over with, the faster you can leave. It’s definitely not an environment conducive to pondering over crossword puzzles.

Indonesians don’t use toilet paper. For those of us having been raised using toilet paper, the mere suggestion of its absence suggests uncleanliness. This is not the case. People use the water from the mandi to wash themselves. I’ve actually heard Indonesians express the opinion that using toilet paper is disgusting. Someone once put it to me this way – if you were riding your bicycle through the countryside and you were suddenly overtaken by a truck that ran over a big pile of cow excrement and sprayed it in your face, would you wash it off or wipe it with a tissue? He had a point.

As for the actual toilets themselves, the most prevalent is the squat toilet. This is where your agility, balance, ability to multi-task, endurance and aim will all be tested. When it comes down to it, you use it for one of two reasons. The first of which, or number 1 as it’s commonly referred to, is what I tend to have the most issues with. The main problem for me is that I am female. Far be it from me to admit that my gender would limit me in any way, shape or form, but alas, I have to concede to the squatty.

For guys, it’s pretty much point and shoot. It’s not so easy being a woman, as despite pulling down your garments, when you’re squatting, if they’re around your ankles, they are still in the way! If you pull them half way down and roll them half way up, the excess material bunched behind the knees in the squatting position will cut off the blood flow to your lower extremities and you run the risk of losing all feeling in your legs and doing an impromptu backwards roll off the squatty platform. 

Removal of at least one pant leg is required. With pant legs rolled up prior to entry, due to Indonesian bathrooms always having wet floors, you must then somehow find a way to remove one shoe and one pant leg without it dragging on the ground, sling it over your shoulder, remove half your undergarments and put your shoe back on, all while balancing yourself on one leg.

After a period of trial and error, I’ve found it’s better to face the wall while using the squatty for the aforementioned purpose because of what I consider to be a major design flaw and the fact that you don’t have the benefit of the distance or the underside of the toilet seat between you and the bowl to minimize ‘splash back’.   

Once you have answered the call of nature, you’ve won half the battle. With the loose pant leg held securely in your teeth, you have to somehow make the water defy gravity to get under there without pouring it all over your shoes. After your best efforts, the latrine ballet must once again take place in reverse to put your pants back on. With the absence of toilet paper, even if you are clean, you’re still wet. I don’t know about you, but I find there are few less comfortable feelings than having to get dressed while you’re wet.

I find the squatty not only inconvenient, but a stressful experience – traumatic after I’ve had a few drinks. Despite my best efforts to ‘do as the Romans’, by getting used to eating rice every day and my new-found ability to ride side saddle in a sarong on a motorbike while balancing offerings on my head, I don’t think I will ever enjoy the squatty experience. But you know, maybe that’s the point.

If my theory is correct, then maybe this is an experience that was never meant to be enjoyed, but merely to be tolerated and got over with. After all, Indonesian society is based on meeting needs rather than catering to whims and desires. People here seem to take things as they come, seem to be generally happier on the whole and seem to be able to appreciate what they have. I guess it’s hard to do that while you’re sitting on the toilet.

dear mr. danielle

With the advent of our new business cards being printed, it makes me realize how much I still have to learn.

At the time Kadek and I were married, we decided on a Balinese wedding. It ended up being a 3-day affair with me along for the ride as I had no idea what was going on most of the time. The ceremony was performed in Sanskrit by the Brahmana, not even Balinese – not that I would have understood much if it were in Balinese either, mind you. Balinese is not to be confused with Indonesian, which is a completely different language. At that time, even in Indonesian I would have been hard pressed to figure things out.

I’d never been one to fancy a big north American wedding in the first place, with the hundreds of guests in a big hall and a huge cake and fancy wedding gown. I always thought of a hundred more sensible ways to spend that kind of money. But I had also never imagined my wedding to be a completely foreign affair with none of my own culture being any part of it. 

There was no real discernable point during the ceremony that indicated – okay you’re married. There was no exchanging of rings, no ‘do you take this man...’, no ‘you may kiss the bride’. At one point I turned to Kadek and asked him: “so are we married yet?” He looked at me and said: “Yes. I think so… but I’m not sure”. 

I had decided that the one thing that I would do that is pretty standard in North America, was that I would take the last name of my husband. Danielle Sastrawan – has a nice ring to it! Of course they had other plans for me and I was renamed during my conversion to Hinduism. My new name, as far as the Balinese were concerned, was Made Dian Sudani Lestari; a name in which I had no part of the choosing. Okay fine, but for all other purposes I would go by Danielle Sastrawan. 

Little did I know at the time, Kadek and his brother, born of the same parents, don’t even share a last name. The last name for the Balinese is a bit random and has nothing to do with the Father’s family name. That’s fine, I don’t mind. I just wanted to retain a little something of the traditions from where I came from, so it didn’t really matter. 

Something else that came as a surprise to me only much later was that, as I am female, I would never be named Sastrawan (which means man of literature), it would be Sastrawati. To make matters more confusing, Indonesian are familiar with the male name Daniel, but most people I’ve encountered here have never heard Danielle used as a female name. Often after introductions, people giggle and say: “but that’s a boy’s name.” 

Now that I’m trying to do business here on the island and going by Danielle Sastrawan, a name that I had thought was aptly chosen at the time, every email I receive in reply starts off: “Dear Mr. Danielle”. 

To avoid people giving me the once over, wondering if I handed them the wrong card, I’ve had our new business cards printed with the name Danielle Louise (my middle name).

the ageing traveller

*(Author's note: I thought this to be a fitting installment as it's my birthday today.)

I think I’m getting old. It’s something I never thought would happen.

There comes a time in every traveler’s life, the decision to take that leap of faith into the great beyond to find out what’s out there. This experience is different for everyone and regardless of the circumstances leading up to it, is a life changing experience.

I think my turning point was the day I stood on the front lawn of my house in suburbia, admiring with gleaming pride, the fabulous job I’d done at not only having neatly mown it, but having beveled the edges with my weed whacker. It was truly a lush, green, manicured sight to behold and envied by my neighbours. It was but a moment later, that the realization of how completely fucked up that was, hit me like a freight train. It was at that same moment I came to understand that Martha Stewart is the devil incarnate. As I stood there, trying to digest this epiphany, my ex (fiancé at the time) came out: “Nice job. It’s the nicest in the neighbourhood!” I suddenly had a vision – right there on my front lawn. I saw myself, 40 years into the future and I knew exactly how the rest of my life was to be played out. I saw it plain as day, as well as everyday leading up to it. Suffice it to say, my bags were packed and I was headed east, on a one-way ticket to Bangkok shortly thereafter.

After I had decided that living vicariously through the Discovery channel was not the path to self-fulfillment, I did what most people do when they make a life change. I made a toast to new beginnings, I welcomed the unknown and decided that age was just a state of mind. This was of particular relevance to me as I got a late start on my new beginning. I justified my agelessness by way of considering the 7 ½ years I spent with the ex, a stunted growth period. Besides, you’re only as old as you feel and, as I was to embark upon a journey of discovery not knowing what awaited me, I was just a babe in the woods.

With agelessness, comes a sense of immortality, of invincibility, and justifiably so. When you realize that you can, and you have decided to be the master of your own destiny, it’s a high one cannot put into words. THIS is what life is supposed to be about! Of course, at the time you have no idea what ‘this’ is, but that’s what you plan on finding out. It’s a great notion with its only fallacy being of Mother Nature not having been taken into account.

When I first got out there, the travel experience was a complete sensory overload. Everything was different; the tastes, the smells, the people, the culture, and even me. I was just along for the ride, trying to take everything in, trying to experience everything. The realization that a society can function on a completely different set of ideals and methods from which I was brought up to believe as absolutes, I found to be a fascinating, mind-opening experience. I found that I was able to tolerate, even welcome things I never would have tried nor tolerated in the past, in the name of life experience. 

Now I’ve done my fair share of traveling and shall continue to do so whenever I am able. The difference is that I don’t travel the same way as I used to. They say, with age comes wisdom. That’s how I console myself now that I’ve had to accept that I’m getting older. Things are not as they used to be. Actually, I’m not as I used to be. Mother Nature has a peculiar way of sneaking up on you, both mentally and biologically.

Gone are the days of sitting on overturned milk crates in alleyways, partaking in the local company and the local brew and drinking everyone else under the table. Well, at least the drinking, anyway. Nowadays, I’m already feeling it after a beer. Of course then again, gone are the days I decide to forgo a meal the next day for the sake of one more beer the night before at the local bar to keep the buzz going. Though it could be looked at as a definite sign of getting older, and thus your waning invincibility, but with age also comes maturity and wisdom and therefore my electing to embrace my new found status of cheap drunk.

Regardless of who you are or where you go, your idiosyncrasies have a way of magnifying themselves as you get older. You become less tolerant and not so willing to accept illogic and chalk everything up to cultural differences. I always used the saying ‘when in Rome…’ as my mantra as a means of trying to gain a better understanding and to reserve judgment. It’s got to the point where I cannot turn a blind eye to someone sneezing, wiping their hand on a dirty rag and then using that same hand to put the food on my plate. And why should I? I know I have let that same scenario, and others similar to it, go in the past and it hasn’t killed me yet, but things tend to gross me out a bit more nowadays.

I also no longer feel the need to prove myself worthy in the eyes of the travel gods by having to have endured some sort of travel hardship. When you’ve traveled as much as I have, you eventually get to the point where you recognize that just because you’ve opted for the 3-hour public bus ride for the equivalent of 50 cents to get to the next village and not hitched a ride with the 6 other people and four goats in the back of the pick up truck that took you 14 hours to make the same journey just because it was free, doesn’t make you any less of a legitimate traveler; that wearing the same shirt for 14 days in a row doesn’t earn you any merit badges; and that Nike sport sandals don’t necessarily cut it for every occasion.

I’ve mellowed, I’ve become less tolerant, and dare I say, I see my mother in me. Yes – I am getting older. I’ve come out of the closet to say that it’s OK and that although your approach to traveling may change, it doesn’t diminish in any way, the pure joy of the travel experience.

top 10 ways to make air travel more interesting

Unless you live in Australia, Bali is about a million miles from anywhere. I often hear people say: "I'd love to come, but it's so far away!" This feedback has inspired me to create a Top 10 list to make that one or two days of travelling more interesting. Loathe air travel? Try these tips to spice up your trip!